Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage

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Proverbs 12:18
There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

This is confirmation that verbal abuse can be on an equal parallel with any physical buse. Both men and women can cut each other up with their words, just as if they are using the blade of a sword. The only records we have in the Scripture of someone using words with this type of power are ungodly women who are manipulating men vulnerable to them. It has been shown to be nearly lethal. Just as women are not bound by the Word of God to endure the maiming physical abuse of their husbands, the liberty of husbands to put away wives who are given to such intense verbal abuse is consistently appropriate.

Proverbs 14:1
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.

As a woman in her discontent keeps tearing at the walls of her home until it crumbles in upon her, so a woman who picks apart the mind, soul, and spirit of her husband in indiscriminate complaining and harassing will eventually find herself deeply alienated from her husband, divorced, or a widow.

Proverbs 18:21
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

This is continued reinforcement that the severity of the verbal abuse that some people perpetrate on others matches the most severe physical attacks. Words can mean the difference between life and death in a marriage. Those who love the ability to manipulate others with their words will eventually taste the bitter fruit themselves. For a man to put away his wife when she has given herself to this power in her life, when she has mauled him beyond his tolerance and repair… it should not be of any great surprise, nor resisted.

Proverbs 18:22
Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the LORD.

Not all married women are spiritual wives. One who is truly a wife, who in her heart longs to be the companion and helper of a man, who seeks to be this for her husband in her spirit, and who is disposed to this in her natural desires and in her temperament… Ahh! she is a rare and beautiful creature! She is in the sight of her LORD of great price. The heart of her husband can delightfully and safely trust in her. Anyone finding her is truly one who has obtained favor with the LORD.

Proverbs 19:13
A foolish son is the calamity of his father: and the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping.

A woman who has given herself to beating up her husband verbally and emotionally is like water torture to him, relentlessly pounding away at his manhood and self esteem in order to control him and dominate him. In some extreme cases of this, there is nothing a man can do to resist peaceably and effectively. Just as the dripping of the water wears away the rocks of stone, so any man's heart will eventually weaken and break under the relentless abuse of an intolerable woman.

Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

It is better for the man to be alone than to dwell with a woman who is always quick to take up a fight with him. There will inevitably be days when he is tired and unable to handle her contentions, times when he is careless and insensitive with her. Every man needs a woman that is able to give and take. No one can continue to live in peace with someone who is absolutely intolerant of any imperfection in their spouse and who is constantly ready to accuse and attack whenever they find their partner weak. It is one thing for a godly wife to submit to the verbal force of her husband, even when he is wrong, and quiet herself, humbling herself and obeying him so long as he is not outlandishly commanding her to sin plainly against God. This is her normal, natural duty.

However, it is another thing altogether for a godly man to try to provide for, protect, and lead a family when his wife is given to abusing him relentlessly. He may not, in godly responsibility, sit back and let her lead him, catering to her desires and obeying her as she runs him around and breaks his spirit. He cannot deal with this abuse by being passive, obedient, and meek, as a woman can under similar stress. It is a different matter to be in leadership and to have one be regularly insubordinate in this manner. There are no organizations known to man that freely tolerate this type of rebellion in their infrastructure and function. There is nothing in the Scriptures that forbids a man from putting away such a wife and marrying another. It is not treachery to do so; it is simply healthy and wise.

Proverbs 21:19
It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.

Perhaps for emphasis, the preceding thought is repeated again, here in another place with a new slant. There are very few such texts that are repeated in this way, and they are all to be regarded significantly. It really is better for a husband to leave a woman who is given to strife in her home. It is better to dwell alone, as in a wilderness with no company at all, than to deal with the contentions of such a person in intimacy. Yet, even this dwelling alone is not good for the husband in general, for it is not good that a man should be alone. However, living with a contentious woman is worse. When a man feels that his options are to live alone without the gift of celibacy, or to deal with this type of abuse, it can drive him to abusive behavior to try to bring his wife under control and obedience. God does not hate a man putting away such an obnoxious woman, and remarrying another, any more than He hates a woman walking away from a husband that has permanently maimed her or who has starved her nearly to death and remarrying another man: it is not an expression of treachery to do so, it is natural wisdom and self preservation.

Proverbs 25:24
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.

A third time? Find it again! anywhere in the Scriptures!! When such repetition is found, it indicates profound truth that must find its way into our minds and hearts. It is plain to anyone who is willing to see it. There are no companion texts describing similarly abusive husbands.

Proverbs 27:15
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.

A contentious wife is a deep embarrassment to her husband. Regardless of how he tries to cover her up, please her, or work with her, he will be confounded and disappointed by her constant badgering and manipulations. It is better for him to let her go, part from her, and live in peace.

Proverbs 30:21-23
For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear: For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat; for an odious woman when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress.

The text speaks plainly. Let no man pretend that he can tame an odious woman in a marriage. Apart from a fantastic intervention and miracle of God, she will undo him. As in a contest with Leviathan, let him remember the battle, and do no more. It is beyond his strength to endure her in uprightness. Let him realistically plan otherwise.

Ecclesiastes 7:26-8
And I find more bitter than death the woman, whose heart is snares and nets, and her hands as bands: whoso pleaseth God shall escape from her; but the sinner shall be taken by her. Behold, this have I found, saith the preacher, counting one by one, to find out the account: which yet my soul seeketh, but I find not: one man among a thousand have I found; but a woman among all those have I not found.

There is certainly a time when divorce is not a matter of treachery, lust, selfishness, or unfaithfulness, such as when a man has become bound to a woman that fits the above description. It is appropriate for a man to seek to be delivered from such a woman in the pleasure of God, through the freedom provided in divorce. It is an unusual man that will be able to divorce a woman only after truly giving her ample time to repent and live peaceably with him, working with her in patience and humility for a number of years, without being unreasonably harsh toward her in her rebellion towards him, without conforming to her ungodliness, and without breaking and yielding up his manhood to her to do with him as she pleases.

Solomon observes, after examining thousands of marriages, that most every man who becomes involved with such a woman will either put her away too quickly in treachery and selfishness, or be taken, overcome, and eventually destroyed by her. A godly man who is walking with the Lord will be delivered from such a woman as this in uprightness and holiness. A man with this type of uprightness and integrity in God is exceedingly rare, though, and will only be found in one among a thousand. A woman with a comparable heart to this is even more rare, such that no women of this caliber would be expected to surface in random samples of perhaps even tens of thousands of women: Solomon had, in fact… never met a single one.

Jeremiah 3:1
They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man's, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou has played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the LORD.

God emaphasizes the great wickedness of the remarriage of a properly divorced couple being reunited after an intermediate marriage. This single act would greatly pollute the culture of the nation. God seldom describes wickedness with such intensity: this is a truly terrible sin. But Israel has done worse: like a woman who has been unfaithful to her husband, giving herself to many other men as an harlot, only to find that she is only really satisfied in her first husband. In her longing for him, she wishes to return to him, expecting Him to take her back. This also, apparently, is an abomination to the LORD.

Jeremiah 3:20
Surely as a wife treacherously departeth from her husband, so have ye dealt treacherously with me, O house of Israel, saith the LORD.

God continues the comparison of His people to the adulteries and treachery of unfaithfulness in marriage. As a wife departs from her husband treacherously, which is always the case unless she has grounds according to the law, so the Jews have departed from their Lord without proper ground for doing so. This is enlightening; an unrighteous departure from a marriage is considered treachery.

The picture of God's marriage and divorce is unveiled. The Jewish people are God's first wife… and they never have gotten along with Him very well. God's wife has left Him without cause, and she has even divorced Him.

Hosea 2:7
And she shall follow after her lovers, but she shall not overtake them; and she shall seek them, but shall not find them: then shall she say, I will go and return to my first husband; for then was it better with me than now.

The Jewish people, God's first wife, having divorced their God to find spiritual satisfaction among false gods and following after them, will one day return to God and seek Him.

Hosea 2:23
And I will sow her unto me in the earth; and I will have mercy upon her that had not obtained mercy; and I will say to them which were not my people, Thou art my people; and they shall say, Thou art my God.

While God's first wife, the Jewish nation, is out looking around for another husband, God will take a wife of the Gentile people and be incredibly merciful to her. This second wife of God will be such that she has never known the love and affection of a husband. It seems that this second woman is a reject of some type, whom no one else has wanted. He becomes a rich blessing to her, the husband of her dreams. The Gentiles will have a time of intimate union with God, and glory deeply in Him as her Husband, while Israel continues in rebellion against Him, being blinded by her own adulteries. When this time is through, and the times of the Gentiles are fulfilled, God will be restored to His first wife: she will return to Him in humility and repentance, He will receive her graciously, and He will forgive her treachery.

Malachi 2:15
The LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou has dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

Continuing the above thought on treachery in marriage, the Lord here reveals His heart at the lightness with which the Jews have come to view their own marriage covenants, and He reprimands them sternly. His blunt dealing with them is to expose the treachery of their hearts as they deal with their own wives. They have been dealing treacherously against their wives, even God-fearing wives, and counting marriage as a thing to be easily discarded at the expense of their own selfish whims. In doing this they are destroying the substance of the life of their nation, and robbing the institution of marriage of the purpose for which it is given to them.

One of the Lord's purposes in making a man and woman one in a marriage is to have them rear godly children and promote a godly nation. He purposes that men should give their hearts to becoming one with their wives in trying to dwell with them in godliness and righteousness. He has created Woman to be the companion and helper of Man, but the Jews have taken advantage of this and are dealing with their wives in open contempt, putting them away for paltry offenses and mistakes, having totally forgotten their own place in their homes as the heads and protectors of their loving help meets. God hates this spirit in men of putting away their women and tearing up their homes in order to further their own selfishness ways. The men here are dealing treacherously against their wives, divorcing them without due cause. Having forgotten the spirit of the law, in their selfish blindness they are killing the hearts and souls of themselves and their loved ones with the freedom they perceive in the letter of the law.

Perhaps it would be inferred from this passage that the Lord hates divorce in general, and that He is never in favor of it. This begs the question of why the LORD gave commands concerning how divorce should be carried out and under what conditions. He does this with no other evil that is hateful to Him, but strictly forbids evil in His people. This position that the Lord hates all divorce for any reason whatsoever would appear to be at odds with the revelation that we have seen in the Scriptures concerning the principles of divorce. What the LORD hates he does not tolerate in His people, but rebukes them for it.

What appears to be correct, and a more consistent view of this text with the other texts that we have seen, is that God hates a divorcing spirit, a tendency for men to use the freedom to divorce lightly and selfishly to further their own ungodly desires without considering the welfare of all those involved. It is in the context of treachery that God hates divorce. Certainly, there are times when divorce is not done in the spirit of treachery, when it is pleasing to the Lord and acceptable to Him, as in the case of Ahasuerus and Vashti, or in the unequal and harmful marriages which were broken for good, under the pleasure and guidance of the LORD through Ezra and Nehemiah. Women beaten beyond recognition by abusive men and marred by them, men who are driven near to insanity by the relentlessly penetrating verbal lashings of their wives, men and women that are sexually defrauded by cold, selfish mates… these situations are an altogether different matter. One should not construe the text to say any differently, as though the Lord hates all divorces, for any reason, without exception.

Matthew 5:31-32
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: but I say unto thou, that whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

In light of what we have seen in the Old Testament this is perhaps a difficult passage to handle properly. It is significant that the New Testament begins in this way, certainly, at the very least, taking down any covering for a loose application of divorce.

To begin, let us remember:
   1. God has forbidden His people to commit adultery. (Ex 20:14)
   2. God has said a properly divorced woman may become another man's wife.
       (De 24:2)
   3. God cannot now be inconsistent with what He has already given to His
       people. (Malachi 3:6)

If it is unholy for a man to marry a properly divorced woman that he had not previously taken as a wife, God would not have permitted this in His Law. If it were wrong at the time of Christ to do so, it would have been wrong in the time of Moses. We must hold to this tightly if we are to handle the text properly.

To begin, we consider the opening remark: Jesus considers those who are well known to have applied the provision given for divorce in the Law in an inappropriate way. These were the Pharisees, as we learn from other passages, such as Matthew 19:3. They were teaching that men had freedom to divorce their wives at a whim and be perfectly consistent with God's pattern for marriage. Their only concern was that the formal legal requirement for a written decree be satisfied. This context of the Lord's teaching should be used to guide one's application of the truths presented.

As we enter the body of the text, we note the plain statement that fornication is grounds for divorce: a man, thinking he has taken a virgin to wife,  who finds his wife to be impure when they wed may put her away in uprightness if he so chooses. This was the case of Joseph and Mary when he discovered her supernatural pregnancy: he "being a just man, and not willing to make her a public example, was minded to put her away privily." (Matt 1:19) Joseph would have been wise and upright in divorcing Mary had she been unfaithful to him during their betrothal.

Beyond this condition, God is clearly stating that a man may not put his wife away without becoming the occasion of an adulterous situation: someone will become guilty of adultery when the divorced woman remarries. This does at first seem to counter the liberty God has given to husbands to put their wives away. How should one reconcile this?

Simply, though God has formally given men liberty to divorce their wives, He does not intend for them to use it except in cases of fornication, or in situations where the devastation and brokenness induced in the marriage is equivalent to the damage done via fornication. In the phrase, "except it be for fornication," we have the implied concept of the impossibility of reconciliation.

When God gives guidelines in matters of life, He does not always give them exhaustively, but generally by means of a pattern. For instance, when giving the command, "Thou shalt not covet," in Exodus 20:17, He did not list all possible things that should not be coveted. God did not list sheep, vineyards, children, or clothing, yet we know that such things are included in the concept of "anything that is thy neighbor's" by example and inference. When God gives directives, they are most often accompanied by example and narrative to clarify them, give them fullness, and enable our general application of them. When clarification is not needed and God's intent is easily understood, it is not provided: "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain," needs no explanation or elaboration. (Exodus 20:7a) Motivation in divorce is not so clearly defined and is accompanied by a myriad of examples, instructions, and elaborations. We must harmonize and integrate them all to have a sound approach and attitude.

Essentially, if there is any particle of hope for a marriage, any faint trace of warmth and unity remaining between a husband and his wife, the husband should remain committed to the marriage and seek with all his heart to love and cherish and live at peace with his wife. In the case of fornication, permanent and irrecoverable damage is done to marital unity. Though such sins can certainly be forgiven and marital harmony restored, God concedes the fact that this may not be the case with all men: some men are framed in such a way that this is unreasonable to demand of them. Sexual sin is not the only possible cause of such devastation, however. If similar conditions arise in the context of a marriage that bring such a permanent and irreconcilable devastation to marital harmony, only then is divorce to be considered. Such was the case with Ahasuerus and Vashti, and with the men who had married strange wives under Ezra and Nehemiah. There are no cases in the Word where a man put a wife away in lightness, all were cases of irretrievable and irreconcilable brokenness.

Further, when a man marries a woman who is merely separated from her husband, this has the same affect as adultery. It permanently mars and defiles the previous marriage. If the previous marriage has not been appropriately ended according to the Law, as in this context in Matthew, there is no court that can decree the dissolution of the marriage before God: He still recognizes this marriage. A man marrying such a woman does indeed commit adultery for he defiles an existing marriage that is still recognized by God. This initial marriage with the first husband will always be recognized by God until the appropriate closure is made; until that time any man who has relations with this woman will continue to commit adultery so long as he does. The only way he can properly respond is to break off his relations with her, even if he has married her. Such a marriage is not recognized as legitimate and should be promptly ended.

If the previous marriage has been appropriately ended, in the context of something equivalent to fornication or adultery, then there is no existing marriage to defile, and the woman's remarriage is therefore not an adulterous act per se. Yet even the sanctioned remarriage of a properly divorced woman has the same defiling affect as adultery in that it brings permanent legal closure to the previous marriage and should be taken soberly as such a step. If there is any question at all about the legitimacy of the previous / existing marriage, remarriage should be avoided as an adulterous act. This is particularly the case when the woman has initiated the divorce herself; righteous ground for her doing so is quite limited.

If divorce is pursued by a husband in lightness, outside the intent of God's design in marriage, the irretrievable breaking of the marriage occurring when the divorced woman remarries will lie at the feet of the divorcing husband. Men that discard marriage outside the intent of God's design are guilty of causing this adultery. In this regard, a man should not receive a divorced woman as a wife unless he is absolutely certain that God has sanctioned the woman's divorce, that it is in accordance with the spirit and letter of the Law, that she is therefore free to remarry in wholesomeness and that this woman was not the causing agent in the divorce.

The closing statement of Jesus in the above text, that anyone marrying a divorced woman is committing adultery, must also be considered carefully. Given that God has clearly allowed properly divorced women to remarry, and since He has also forbidden adultery, how does one reconcile this?

To interpret the text as a "higher standard" than the "Law of Moses," as many will surely do, is to claim that the Law is not "holy and just and good." (Rom 7:12) This is simply not an option: God would never provide anyone with guidance or instruction that is substandard, unhealthy or unholy.

Rather, the context suggests here that the "her that is divorced" is not just any woman who is divorced, but actually a man's ex wife, one whom he has formally divorced in the past and who has since remarried and been divorced again. Such a woman is no longer eligible to remarry her former husband and Jesus is stating that any reconcilliation of such a relationship is adulterous.

This revelation is certainly consistent with the OT principles, and enhances our understanding of them rather than contradicting them. If a man wishes to be reconciled to such a woman it reveals that he should never have divorced her in the first place, that his initial action in putting her away was adulterous. The OT does not clearly call this type of behavior adultery, but such truth would naturally be derived from meditating on the Law, and truly understanding the principles involved. Here, as in much of Christ's elaboration on such things, He is doing exactly this: exposing the spirit and intent of His Law in order to help us understand its truly spiritual and holy nature.

Matthew 19:3-9
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery
.

This passage concludes with exactly the same type of context as that of Matthew 5 above. Jesus is addressing the same type of error with the same truth. The comments relevant to Matthew 5 are therefore also relevant here. The initial part of the text is somewhat unique, and gives further insight into the slant and agenda of the Pharisees.

The Pharisees want to justify themselves and what they are promoting, which is a spirit of contempt for women, and a devaluing of the place of women in the home. They teach that it is proper for a man to put away his wife for any trivial matter that strikes him as appropriate. See this in their emphasis, "for every cause." In doing so, they miss the entire point of the marriage relationship, reducing it to a form of uncertain employment for women.

To correct their error, Jesus goes back to the fundamental principle of marriage, that Man and Woman have become one flesh in the marriage, and that they both should be striving for oneness in heart and mind as well. Once God has joined two people together in a marriage like this, this oneness should not be neglected, laid aside, or destroyed. God recognizes when this oneness has been destroyed in a marriage and makes appropriate provision for the dismantling of the formal relationship in His Law. Marriage should be respected as His creation and not discarded in carnal selfishness. As a general rule, marriages are to remain in tact if it is at all reasonable to do so, even if the marriage is less than completely satisfactory (as most all marriages are). Mutual love of a husband and wife for one another will cause them to work through their differences and difficulties in a spirit of mutual commitment and loyalty. This is the spirit of the Law, and is contrary to what the Pharisees are promoting.

To counter Him, the Pharisees point out that Moses has indeed given a command for husbands to put away their wives, and that the husband is to seal the divorce by giving the wife a writing of divorcement. They reason that if God intends for men to be serious about being one with their wives, He would not have given men the freedom to divorce their wives like this. Since He does give them this liberty, they argue, it must be true that it is not necessary for men to love their wives; they claim that it must be appropriate to use women as mere conveniences.

Jesus does not deny the truth that He has indeed given the command for men to put away their wives in certain cases, but instead He explains His purpose in doing so, and how different His intention is from what the Pharisees were attempting to justify. In this case, the command is given for the welfare and mutual benefit of the woman and the man when the husband's heart becomes deeply hardened toward his wife. This is given for extreme cases of conflict and brokenness in the context of the Fall, as in the context of fornication and adultery, and is not to be blithely used to violate the purpose of the marriage relationship. In extremely broken circumstances it is required for the man to put his wife away. In the spirit of the Law a husband will be unable to do this lightly if he is honoring the principle of being one flesh with his wife from his heart. Anyone taking the commandment lightly and using the letter of it to achieve the effect of adultery, as the Pharisees were doing, is guilty of breaking the spirit of the Law.

If a man is not deeply committed to trying to live in harmony and peace with his wife, willing to go to great lengths to become one with her in his heart and spirit, he is missing the entire point of the design of God in his marriage and is walking in a spirit of disobedience. To give up on this effort and put one's wife away, and thereby encourage her to remarry another man, is to be done only after all other possibilities and efforts to become one with her in heart and spirit have been exhausted, after much deliberate thought and consideration, not hastily and in anger, or in a context of trying to obtain another woman. Whenever it is done, it is to be done in purity without reservation or hesitation. This action is considered permanent and irrevocable with the certain expectation that the woman will become committed to another man, blocking all legal access to the restoration of the relationship.

In this text, both Jesus Christ and the Pharisees refer to the Law of God as "Moses." Some would suggest by this reference that the provision for divorce and remarriage given in the Law was not genuinely from the Lord, or that it is not good. The suggestion is implied that this provision was merely added by Moses himself because of the hardness of the people's hearts and that Jesus is now saying this law was not really from God, that it was less than holy and proper to apply it.

God clearly and sternly rebukes such additions to its content, "Every word of God is pure… Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee and thou be found a liar." (Proverbs 30:5-6) It is God Himself that makes this provision for divorce and remarriage, not merely Moses. This is easily seen by going back and reading the Law: in doing so we find that Moses did not fabricate the Law --  it is the "Law of the Lord." (Ps 19:7) In doing so, God is holy and just and good in it: "The law is holy, and the commandment holy and just and good." (Romans 7:12) Jesus is not saying that divorce and remarriage is never proper, he is condemning the lightness and treachery and lust that the Pharisees had woven into their practice of it.

Matthew 19:10-12
His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

The disciples reacted to the teaching of Jesus Christ in the matter of divorce and remarriage with surprise and consternation. Realizing how difficult it is to become one with their spouses, they felt intimidated by the injunction to be deeply determined in it. They apparently preferred celibacy to this. Jesus agreed with them in their reaction from the standpoint that being single allows some men to focus on serving God without the distractions of matrimony, but He implies that most men are not able to remain single in a healthy manner and cannot receive their saying. Only men who do not have the natural sex drive are able to function outside of marriage with some level of health and balance; all others will be more distracted by their lack of intimacy with a woman than by their struggle to become one with a wife. To such men, the struggle to be one with their wives is appropriate, but not legalistically confining. They should give it their very best in the uprightness and integrity of their hearts. The provision for divorce and remarriage is given for the protection and benefit of the upright in heart should any marriage become intolerable and destructive. The children of God are not expected to live in frustration and loneliness if their first marriage fails for reasons beyond their control, as expressed in the liberty given in the Law.

Mark 6:17-19
For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias' sake, his brother Philip's wife: for he had married her. For John had said unto Herod, It is not lawful for thee to have thy brother's wife. Therefore Herodias had a quarrel against him, and would have killed him; but she could not.

Here is an example of God's Law as it applies to an illegitimate marriage. King Herod had taken a woman, Herodias, which belonged to another man, his own brother. God relates the facts of the case to us consistently with His Law, referring to Herodias as the wife of Phillip even though she had already divorced her husband and consumated her adulterous marriage with the king.

John the Baptist recognizes that this unholy union is inconsistent with God's Law and applies this Law as binding upon all people, non-Jews as well as Jews. John insists that this marriage be broken and Herodias restored to her husband, even though Heriodias was the queen, deeply offended by John's stand and sought to kill him for taking it.

John did not seek to preserve all existing marriages with an understanding that marriage is an unconditional covenant, as evangelicals do. Fundamental evangelical  teaching encourages Herod and Herodias to express repentance for committing adultery with each other when they wed, break soul ties with their former spouses and then continue on their merry way. This teaching reduces repentance to a formality that does not result in a change of behavior that is consistent with righteousness, but rather encourages the continuation of an adulterous condition. John, however, knew nothing of this foolishness. Neither does God.

Repentance means to cease from ungodly behavior. If a marital relationship begins in adultery there is no amount of time passing that will change its fundamental nature or cause God to begin to approve of such a relationship. If the marriage is not born in righteousness it cannot live on in righteousness: God does not change His mind about who a woman should be faithful to simply because she makes an adulterous marital promise to be faithful to another man and persists in this ungodliness over time. Any woman who has departed from a marriage unlawfully and remarried should terminate this second marriage and return to her true husband. The presence of children from the second marriage is painfully inconvenient... but truly irrelevant.

Mark 10:2-12
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him. And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away. And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of you heart he wrote you this precept. But from the beginning of the creation God make them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. And in the house his disciples asked him again of the same matter. And he saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband and be married to another, she committeth adultery.

This same event is recorded again in Mark for our reference. The previous comments are relevant. Additionally we note that a husband may commit adultery against his wife by himself defiling and breaking up his own marriage. This occurs when he puts his wife away for the purpose of obtaining a different woman as a wife. One may not deduce from this that polygamy is adultery, however, since if the husband does not put away his wife but simply marries again, he has not defiled his relationship with his first wife to the same degree. Admittedly, a polygamous man has indeed violated the general spirit and intentions of the marriage relationship, but as we have seen, this is not considered by God to be adultery, and it is not against the general lenience of God, being permitted and at times encouraged by God.

Also, a woman that puts her husband away and remarries commits adultery against him. There are no provisions in the Law allowing a woman to put away her husband. A woman may only be set free by proper authority when she has been severely abused or neglected.

In any case, for the husband or the wife, divorce is not to be used as a license to escape the duty of selfless effort in a marital relationship. Those men who are not giving of themselves to walk in peace and harmony with their wives are ignoring God's purpose in their marriages. God's provision of divorce is only intended for those men who continue to fail drastically to see peace in their homes because of ungodly wives -- and then only after repeated and prolonged efforts in their homes, or for those women who are severely neglected or abused by their husbands. Anyone using such provision for selfish or lustful ends in breaking up even a minimally functional home, contrary to the spirit and letter of the Law, is walking in a spirit of adultery.

Luke 16:18
The Pharisees also, who were covetous, heard all these things: and they derided him. And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God. The law and the prophets were until John; since that time the kingdom of God is preached, and every man presseth into it. And it is easier for heaven and earth to pass, than one tittle of the law to fail. Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

Similar to the above, this is spoken directly to the Pharisees when they are mocking Jesus Christ. They are such that they want to appear just and pure in heart before men when their hearts are covetous and adulterous deep within, yet His teaching is exposing their hypocrisy. Their mastery is in taking the letter of the Law and twisting the application of it until the spirit in which the Law has been given is rendered ineffective. The Pharisees give themselves to ignoring the Scriptures which reveal the broad principles of the life of God, and focus on the mechanics of the Mosaic Law in order to build their hypocritical religion.

As they seek to defend their spirit of covetousness, Jesus reminds them of the spirit of marriage, which is fundamentally incompatible with covetousness, being based on a spirit of love and self-sacrifice. He drives at their selective ceremonial observances of the Law and reminds them that the whole counsel of God is to be taken to heart. It is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for any one small particle of the Law to fail, including the principle of one flesh between a husband and wife, as well as the laws concerning divorce and remarriage. He reminds them of the balance that God intends for their own health and well being. Since they have twisted God's provision for divorce to their own hurt in such devastating ways, God's intent in the relationship of marriage is used to drive His point home to them .

Acts 13:46
Then Paul and Barnabas waxed bold, and said, It was necessary that the word of God should first have been spoken to you: but seeing ye put it from you, and judge yourselves unworthy of everlasting life, lo, we turn to the Gentiles.

Here is the acting out and completing of the divorce of the Jews from God, and the beginning of the receiving of the Gentile people as His second wife. It was the Jewish wife that put her holy Husband away, not God which put her away. He would not continue to strive with her and wait on her. He let her go and took a new bride.

The Jews will never be free to marry another god, because the true God, her first Husband, has never put her away… she has left Him without cause. He will be willing to receive her back to Himself when she comes to herself at the end of the age, after she has spent herself in seeking fulfillment elsewhere. Until then, He will be a blessing to a lonely, broken woman who appreciates Him and adores Him as her only true Husband. She is one who joys in the blindness of this first wife, because it freed Him – the God of Abraham and Isaac and Jacob -- to be her eternal Lover.

Romans 7: 1-3
Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law,) how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth: For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

We have above, all throughout this present work, written plainly, every law which God has given concerning divorce and remarriage. God is speaking in this particular text to those who know these laws very well, and who have considered the spirit and intent of these laws thoroughly many times. It is striking to note that the Law referred to here does not formally exist as a single law. One may freely read the Law as it was given and no such law, binding a woman to her husband until death, will be found explicitly.

This principle, that the woman is bound by the Law to her husband so long as he lives, and that she is free to remarry only when he dies, is never explicitly stated anywhere in the Old Testament. It is inferred from the laws that are given, which we have noted above, and it is properly derived from them. This is how God meant for the Law to be used, and God uses the Law this way here, through Paul. God uses this interpreted principle to illustrate the relationship between the Law and the Spirit in the life of the believer.

The illustration is in the power of the marital law, that the Law does not respect or regard the feelings or emotional needs of the woman in her marital desires. There is no way for the woman to be free of this law unless she can show that her husband has significantly and permanently harmed her in some way through abuse or neglect. With any reasonably upright man, she will never be able to do this regardless how she feels towards him. She will only be delivered from her marriage to him in his death.

God uses this example of the Law to show how the Law binds us to the guilt of our sin nature, requiring death of us before it will let go of our guilt for having broken it. When the Law is legally satisfied by the death of Christ on our behalf, it no longer has a claim to make us feel fearfully guilty for having broken it, and we are free to love and serve God without fear of being rejected by Him as we fail Him along the way. This truth will serve as a review of what we have seen already.

Only under certain instances can a woman come to the place where her husband is no longer her husband. One can plainly note that the Law openly permits a woman to be married to another man if a man who was at one time her husband… her former husband (De 24:4)  is still alive. This is when the authority of the husband over the wife has been properly broken under very extenuating circumstances. So long as a man is properly the husband of a woman, she is not free to leave him: his authority must be voluntarily cast aside or be removed by a higher authority.

The Law plainly says that if the husband puts away his wife, she may go and be married to another man. The Law does not say that to marry such a divorced woman is to commit adultery and it does not call her an adulteress for remarrying if she has been properly divorced. In this case the woman no longer has a husband, and therefore cannot be bound to one, and so is free to marry another man without committing adultery.

The parting of a husband and wife is a type of death, a ripping apart of a one-flesh entity as if one or both spouses have died. The severity of the abuse or neglect, or the depth of the displeasure that is present in the relationship should be of this magnitude and reflect the severity of death. In this spirit, the very specific instances that result in the wife being freed of her husband through proper authority for severe abuse or neglect are profoundly severe, indicating the death of the potential of the relationship. So long as the husband wishes for his wife to remain with him and is willing to provide her basic needs in any minimal sense, she may not leave him before he dies. A marriage is never to be broken lightly, merely for the sake of convenience or pleasure. It is a perfect picture of how the moral requirements of God hold us in guilt and fear until there is a death in the relationship that sets us free from them.

Without this authority of the husband being properly annulled according to the Law, for a woman to depart from her husband and remarry is for her to commit adultery. She may not pursue a divorce herself without the godly consent of the community at large, and cannot otherwise present herself to another man as a wife without being an adulteress. The Law binds her to her husband as long as he is alive in this manner; there are no other provisions in the Law for a woman to be free from her husband so long as he is alive. She is only free to remarry if her husband has put her away or has been severely abusive to her.

If a woman does depart from her husband, attempt to create a state of divorce from him and remarry another man while her husband is still alive apart from these conditions, she is properly called an adulteress and treated as such for as long as she continues in this state. God does not recognize a state of divorce apart from His Law regardless what the laws of an ungodly culture will allow; God has not given government or religion authority to define either divorce or marriage, only to acknowledge and enforce these states as He has defined them. Thus, a woman who seeks to divorce her husband and remarry another apart from God's Law fails to end her marital relationship with her husband and actually remains married in God's sight to him regardless of her efforts to end her marriage.

Repentance from such an adulterous relationship implies that it is to be immediately terminated, regardless how long the relationship has persisted or whether children have been born from it. The relationship was condemned by God as it was contemplated, as it was consummated, and for its duration: there is no period of transition during which an adulterous relationship becomes legitimate. Under God's civil law a couple in this state, where the woman does not having a written divorce decree from her husband, lives in a continuous state of adultery and both of them remain subject to the death penalty in God's economy as long as her husband lives. This provides additional closure to the fact that a woman is not permitted to have more than one husband, as in the provision of polygamy for men, under any circumstance.

Note that the converse is not said to be true, that the Law binds a man to his wife so long as she lives. There is no hint in any of the laws we have observed that this is so. It is not so. A man is not bound to the marriage in the same way that the woman is, but is free to decide to end the marriage and free his wife to marry another if that is his desire. He should only do so if she finds no favor in his eyes at all, and he finds that he has a deep hatred for her. Once he does so, having put her away from him and she does become the property of another man, it is an abomination for him to have her again. A flippant and careless attitude on a husband's part in this matter is condemned by the direct teachings of Christ as being the spirit of adultery. A husband thinking to put away his wife is to exercise this freedom with the utmost discretion, integrity and purity. He will generally only exercise this when he finds that he is married to a deeply rebellious woman who has given herself to the defiance of God in her life.

Romans 7:4
Wherefore, my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to Him who is raised from the dead, that we should bring forth fruit unto God.

This text continues the expression of the fact that God has a new wife in the Gentile bride. The gentile believers are married to God and bring forth beautiful fruit for God from their marriage to Him. This beauty is not evident in the former marriage of God with the Jews.

Romans 9:25
As he saith also in Osee, I will call them my people which were not my people; and her beloved, which was not beloved.

God explains the reality behind the picture of His allowance of divorce and remarriage. The Jews have left God such that they are no longer His wife, but they are still beloved of Him and are still His people – He never put them away but He let them leave Him. While she is gone, God has a second wife which has never been loved by anyone else. God finds beauty in her that no one else has ever seen. He takes her to Himself and calls her His own, and loves her deeply.

Romans 10:19
But I say, Did not Israel know: First Moses saith, I will provoke you to jealousy by them that are no people, and by a foolish nation I will anger you.

Why is God receiving Gentiles now? What is the relationship of these chosen few to Him and to Israel? God extends the historical picture and fulfillment of His own experience in this recollection of His own words to Israel through Moses. Israel had been clearly warned that God would take another bride if they forsook Him. She did not heed this warning and left Him anyway, and are without excuse. God now provokes Israel to jealousy and anger with the beauty of a second marriage to a foolish woman, one that seems unwise for Him to love... the Gentile bride. She is made of the lowliest, the poorest, the most foolish and despised remnants of the world. "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called: but God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty; and base things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen, yea, and things with are not, to bring to nought things that are: that no flesh should glory in His presence." (1 Corinthians 1:26-29)

Romans 11:11
I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.

God continues in explanation of the reality behind the picture of His allowance of divorce and remarriage. The Jews have stumbled in their marriage with God in order to provide an opportunity for the Gentiles to enjoy Him. This dear Gentile bride finds something in the God of Israel that the Jews have never seen. This formerly unloved woman is completely satisfied with Him. The Jews however, having never walked with Him or obeyed Him, found no delight in Him and were a continual vexation of His Spirit. They were constantly trying to get out of the marriage, and looking for ways to escape their duty to Him in their relationship with Him. They finally divorced Him to pursue their own stubborn wantonness.

God allows this in order to know a wife among the Gentiles. He, since the pattern of monogamy is the picture of His own committed loyal Heart, is not free receive a second wife until the Jews utterly fall from the marriage by leaving Him and putting Him away. They do so, and free Him, making His Heart available for a second marriage. The Gentiles seek Him, and He has found them: together they are enjoying a delightful marriage relationship. The Gentiles and God both find in each other what they have been longing for. God finds beauty in His second bride that He never saw in Israel, and loves her deeply. In rapturous love she worships Him and obeys Him even in difficulty -- in profound ways that far surpass the commitment of the Jews. Their love for one another is deep and strong, and they are profoundly satisfied together. The Jews observe this and are filled with envy and jealousy. They begin to wonder what they have lost, what they have given away. Their attention is finally focused on Him again at the end of the age, and they are somehow reconciled to Him without disturbing the quality of the Gentile experience with Him. This is the reality – and the mystery -- of God's marital life: the two somehow become one. During the outworking of the details in between this divorce and reunion, there is nothing improper about His role, or the role of His Gentile bride. The fault, and the Gentile opportunity, can be laid entirely at the feet of the rebellious Jewish bride.

1 Corinthians 7
Here we have a full-bodied explanation of the duty and principles of marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Through Paul, God sets forth robust teaching in accordance with Old Testament principles to guide believers in their practice of the principles of marriage, divorce, and remarriage.

1 Corinthians 7:1
Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: it is good for a man not to touch a woman.

God begins by stating what would seem obvious, that remaining single is a good thing for those who can live that way. There is nothing improper about this. Though Man thrives best in a wholesome marriage, the Fall has made it such that it is somewhat better to remain alone when the gift of celibacy is present.

1 Corinthians 7:2-5
Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

While it is not improper to be single, most people are not able to live in a healthy way without a spouse. Such people should be married, every such man having his own wife and every such woman having her own husband. The principle is carefully stated for both the benefit of the husband and wife, giving support to the fact that women are vulnerable to temptation when defrauded by their husbands in the same manner that men are vulnerable. God's provision for divorce when a woman is defrauded sexually in a marriage is given full support here. Both the husband and wife are to consider the other's needs in the marriage and see that the other is satisfied sexually and emotionally in the oneness of their marriage. Neither is to withhold physical relations or godly affection from the other without the other's consent, and then only for the expressed purpose of extended fasting and prayer. To limit the physical intimacy of the relationship for any other purpose is to give ground to Satan to tempt the defrauded spouse into fornication and adultery.

This is further confirmation that it is healthy and proper for most people to be in a monogamous relationship, even if properly divorced, as opposed to forcing singleness on those who have been defrauded by an evil spouse. This provision for the remarriage of such properly divorced persons is important to maintain purity in the church and the general health and balance of the saints. Those who are living outside this context without the proper gifts of celibacy are vulnerable to the sin of adultery and fornication. They are not required to do so.

1 Corinthians 7:6-9
But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

God's instruction here is not in the way of a command, but a type of permission. He is not telling everyone that they have to be married, He is rather saying that it is fine if they do marry. Actually, Paul, whom God spoke through here, would have preferred that more people were like himself, without the natural sex drive and able to live without a spouse in a healthy way. Paul was not constantly plagued by sexual desire and wantonness, and found that being in the presence of attractive women was not an issue with him at all. He was able to control his thoughts and desires and channel them appropriately without the experience of physical intimacy in marriage. He recognizes that this is a gift that not everyone has. For anyone having this gift, it is good for them if they chose to remain single.

1 Corinthians 7:9
But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

However, for those without this gift, who feel the desire burning in their breasts to be physically and emotionally close to someone, it is proper for them to marry. Burning is not healthy, and it is not something that is to be overcome through an extended effort of the will. Those without this gift of celibacy find that they "cannot" contain themselves in an upright way outside the context of marriage. It is a matter of spiritual gift, not a matter of the mind or of the will, and trying to live outside of a gift is to ask for trouble. In all the fabric of their being such saints want to be married, for that is how their Lord has designed and gifted them.

1 Corinthians 7:10-11
But unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: but and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

Here Paul repeats the Lord's command, implied directly from the Old Testament Law, that the wife is not to depart from her husband with an intention to remarry another man, other than what is plainly allowed in the Law. If she happens to depart for reasons which are not allowed in the Law, she is to depart with the intention to remain single. She is not free to remarry unless her husband puts her away or severely abuses her; she must stay with her husband so long as he is pleased to dwell with her decently and give to her the proper duty of a husband in their marriage.

A woman who has initiated a separation from her husband without due cause, having violated his authority herself by carnally taking matters into her own hands outside the provisions for divorce allowed in the Law, is not in a freed condition and is still under moral bondage to her husband according to the Law; she has divorced him and she is willfully defrauding him so long as he is willing to receive her back into his home. This is true even if he has remarried, since it is lawful for him to have more than one wife. As long as her husband is willing to receive her and care for her, she is free to return to him, so such a woman remains alone by her own stubborn choice. Her husband, under these conditions, is not required by any ethical or moral law to remain alone waiting for her, struggling against the natural desire that he has to be married. Certainly, if he is able to do so and wishes to wait patiently for her, he is free to pursue this by the grace of God.

To husbands, God indicates that they are generally not to put away their wives. That this forbids a husband to put away a contentious and rebellious wife at all, as in the case of Ahasuerus and Vashti, is not to be understood here. His teaching is a continuance of the spirit of the principles given in the Scriptures, not an altering of them. Husbands are not to initiate the separation and breakup of their homes, as the Pharisees were doing, but are to seek for the health and balance of God's blessing in their homes with all diligence in a selfless and Christ-imitating manner. If separation is initiated and maintained by the wife the husband must seek God for wisdom in how to respond, whether to divorce her himself, remarry or remain single and await her repentance.

A man who has departed from his wife, for whatever reason, and has put her away, has released her from her "bondage" to him and to the marriage so that she is free to remarry. Such a woman is free to remarry, or to wait on her husband to receive her back again into his home. She is under no obligation whatsoever to be reconciled with him should he change his mind about leaving her and want to return to her. Once he has put her away, she may remarry or remain single for as long as she likes if that is her pleasure. Should she at any time choose to marry another, she is finally closing the door on her first marriage and submitting to the authority of another man, such that this former marriage bond will never be opened to either one of them again.

1 Corinthians 7:12-14
But to the speak I, not the Lord: if any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.

Paul now steps outside of the revelation of the Lord in the Law, and extends the principle of the Law in the spiritual lives of believers. His instruction is nothing that is unexpected, it is just a statement that is not overtly present in the Law. Paul is simply giving instruction that encourages retaining the integrity of the home when an unbeliever is present and is pleased to stay. He is guarding against a spirit of dissolution that might come between unequally yoked spouses due to the vast differences in the marriage over their respective spiritual conditions. Such divorces or separations are not to be initiated by believing spouses. While this is formally outside the context of the Law since the Law does not deal with people on a truly spiritual plane, this principle is entirely consistent with the Law, even with the instructions of Ezra and Nehemiah who encouraged the separation of Israeli families under conditions where the heathen spouse was not pleased to dwell in a home founded on righteousness.

Whether the individuals in each marriage are actually believers in the sense that Abraham or David are eternally saved is an issue that is not dealt with directly in the Law. Hence Paul's statement that God has not formally addressed this. Paul is speaking to this specific issue now in the Lord, and is merely instructing believers that God is not displeased with unequal marriages of believers and unbelievers simply because they are an unequal yoke in this eternal sense. Paul, and evidently God Himself also, is encouraging each believing spouse to respect the integrity and purity of their marriage and to continue to minister to their unbelieving spouse so long as the unbeliever is pleased to stay in the home.

1 Corinthians 7:15
But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace
.

When an unbeliever and a believer are married, the unbeliever's lack of love for the LORD will inevitably become a problem in the relationship. Their hearts can no longer be truly one in this condition. If the unbeliever is strong in hatred for the Lord and His principles for whatever reason, like the outlandish heathen women of Ezra's day, they will generally either come to try to control the believing spouse to turn them away from the Lord, or will quit functioning in the relationship and leave their spouse alone, pursuing separation and divorce. If the unbeliever opts for control of the home, and the believer is strong enough to resist the resulting attack and manipulation, there will be continual and basic conflict and tension in the home so long as the unbeliever remains hard to the things of the Lord. The believer is to leave this in the hand of the Lord, trusting God to either turn their unbelieving spouse towards Himself, or to remove them from the home. The believer is not to initiate the separation or divorce based on this type of tension and conflict. Once the unbeliever does depart, the believer is to yield to this and allow it to happen.

Paul's statement "let him depart" deserves additional focused attention. How is it that one is to "let" another depart? How can one stop this, when someone genuinely wants to leave a home? Can a husband lock his wife up, and physically keep her in the home? Can a desperate wife somehow keep her husband from leaving her? How is it that one is encouraged to "let" an unbelieving spouse depart?

To let someone depart is to accept their leaving, and not remain in stubborn resistance to it either physically, emotionally, or spiritually. The believing spouse is not to maintain long-standing manipulations in physical blockading, emotional manipulations, or spiritual warfare trying to control the unbeliever and force them back into the home. They are to "let" the unbeliever depart. Certainly, God may reveal to a forsaken believer that He wants them to conduct spiritual warfare in the power and direction of the Holy Spirit to secure the conversion and deliverance of a former spouse, but this should only spring from the leading of God in the situation and not be something forced carnally on the situation due to the sanctity of the marriage relationship as an end in and of itself. Accepting the departure of the unbeliever will actually be the norm in these situations, as indicated by God's command for the believing spouse and the church to accept the departure and let the unbeliever go. The forsaken believer is to be set free from the marriage physically, emotionally and spiritually and is no longer in bondage to it.

Paul's statement that an abandoned believer is not under bondage to the marriage implies that such a believer is free to remarry after the departure of the unbelieving spouse. When a person is not under "bondage," they are not "bound." The woman is "bound by the law" to her husband so long as her husband is alive and has not put her away. If he has put her away, she does not have a husband to be bound to -- she is no longer "bound," she is free to remarry, as apparent from Deuteronomy 24. Likewise, if a husband has earnestly tried to be good to an obstinate and odious woman, and she has left him, he is not "bound" to the marriage to wait for her to return to him once she has left him. To place any believer without an option to be married to anyone when they do not have the gift of celibacy, saying that they are bound to the departed ex-spouse, is to place the forsaken believer back into the danger of fornication and to violate the instruction that every man and woman without this gift should be free to enter a healthy marital relationship.

In this way, all of the principles concerning marriage, separation, divorce, and remarriage are seen to work in harmony, considering the general health and well-being of the persons involved. No person without the gift of celibacy is ever required to live in lonely burning; all of the principles of both the Old and New Covenants are respected in full, and all of the specific instructions given in the Scriptures are accommodated.

1 Corinthians 7:16
For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? Or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife? But as God hath distributed to every man, as the Lord hath called every one, so let him walk. And so ordain I in all churches.

The motive for the injunction to the believing spouse to remain in the marriage during the time of struggle when one spouse is a believer and one is not, is not, as some would expect, the sanctity of the home itself, as an end in and of itself. The motive given is to provide ample opportunity for the unbelieving spouse to turn to the Lord due to the influence of the believing spouse. The welfare of the persons involved is given priority here, not the institution of the marriage for its own sake. This is significant. If the primary reason for staying in the marriage is the integrity of the home, this would have been given here as the primary motivation. It is not.

If the hope of godly efforts fail in the context of the marriage, and the marriage is ended by the departure of the unbeliever from the home, the believer is to receive this as from the hand of the Lord and go on in freedom from the marriage as God's gift to them and calling for them. While personal comforts are not to be used as an excuse to violate the Law of God, neither is the Law to be extended by anyone beyond its present requirements to cause undue pain and suffering upon those that are truly yielded to Him and willing to obey Him, unjustly defrauding those who are willing to obey Him even to their own hurt.

Genuine believers are willing to suffer for their Lord unreasonably and are vulnerable to the dispositions and pressures of those in the church that are to love and care for them. Yet this care, if from a legalistic and ignorant heart, can bring great damage to the defrauded spouse and be a cause for great pain and discouragement. It is extremely sad and dissappointing that, as a general rule, fundamental evangelical teaching on the sancity of marriage does tend to expose defrauded believers (particularly men) to vast and unwarranted suffering. Anyone purposing to require that properly divorced persons are not free to remarry is to place such divorcees in an unscriptural and unreasonable bondage, idolizing the sanctity of marriage as a supreme end in and of itself. Extreme gentleness and caution must be exercised in these matters, and wisdom from the Lord prayerfully sought. As the LORD said concerning the Sabbath, so one might in the same spirit say here: marriage was made for Man, not Man for marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:25-28
Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord; yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, say that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? Seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.

Paul repeats his understanding that there is no commandment of the Lord that men and women must be single or married. It is not sinful either way, and the marital state of each believer is to be determined based upon the needs and gifts of the individual saint. If a man has been loosed from a wife, through death or divorce, he is free to remarry if he chooses to, though he is not required to do so. A virgin is also free to marry as she pleases.

The specific mention that a woman who is a virgin is free to marry might be used to imply that if a woman is not a virgin she is not free to marry. Paul does not say that a woman who is not a virgin is not free, he is silent here, perhaps as it is understood from other texts that for a woman to be properly set free from a husband is generally greatly restricted by the Lord.

Regardless, even when both parties are believers and are properly able to marry in purity and uprightness, those entering marriage are going to struggle in general, some more than others, regardless of their backgrounds. Marriage between two sinners will not be totally pleasant, and there will certainly be some struggle at times in the relationship. If it is possible to remain single and be healthy and happy, Paul would rather spare us the struggle and he encourages the saints to remain single if they can do so appropriately.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35
But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: but he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

Paul reinforces this position that being single allows one to focus on the Lord without being distracted as much by the cares and pressures of this life. Being involved in the many activities and responsibilities of a marriage and a family brings the concern for providing for the intimate personal needs of others, who are often not willing to live as simply as a single believer is. A natural worldly care growing among people in this context is appropriate and healthy, and it is the calling of most believers to be involved in this. Paul makes it plain that he is not speaking to discourage saints from being married, or to trap believers or to keep them from any earthly joy by forbidding to marry. He is giving these principles to the church for our profit, to keep us from unnecessary distraction if we do have the gift of celibacy.

1 Corinthians 7:36-38
But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not, let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well: but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

God speaks directly concerning the gift of celibacy, and describes how a man is to approach this. As an aside here, this passage is simply mutilated by many of the modern translations of the Scripture, as anyone may freely observe (without needing to access the original languages). The text must be considered carefully, as it encapsulates the entire spirit of the Law and why it has been given as it has.

Two types of men are described in this passage: one with the gift of celibacy, one without this gift. The first is a man without the gift of celibacy that is unmarried. He will find himself dealing with his sex drive, his "virgin," in an unhealthy – "uncomely" – way. He finds that "she passes the flower of her age" – a common expression for the emission of fluids from the body (a similar expression in the Law, "her flowers be upon her," describes a menstruous woman) -- and that his entire constitution in the Lord "requires" a marriage for the healthy release and accommodation of his sex drive.

It is important to note the word "require" here. Marriage is not an option for such a man if he is to live in a healthy, stable manner. This need is not subject to the control of his will any more than any other of his physical appetites. Sexual appetite is more difficult than a mere physical appetite for a man to control completely, nay it is impossible for him to ultimately master it. It is much more than a physical appetite; it involves his entire being, effecting him physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. The best that he can find outside of marriage is an "uncomely," unnatural, unhealthy accommodation of his sex drive. He will not be able to ignore it or lay it aside. The fulfillment of the natural sex drive in the bonds of marriage is a basic need of such a man, more so than eating, drinking, sleeping, etc. Such a man ought not to remain in a state of singleness for long periods of time.

Some men, however, standing steadfastly in their hearts that they would rather not enter marriage, find that they do not have this necessity; in fact, they have "no necessity ." Instead, a man with the gift of celibacy will have power over his own will in this matter. He is able to function in the presence of other women without being drawn to them sexually, not feeling a longing to look at them and enjoy their beauty, not feeling frustrated and empty because he does not have a receptive spouse that he can enjoy in this way when he returns to his home. When a man finds himself with this gift, he is better off remaining single, and focusing his daily energies more entirely on spiritual matters. He is not in sin if he marries, and should not seek to be loosed from his wife simply because he has this gift, but is advised to remain single if he already is or if he becomes single in an appropriate way.

This gives one a holy perspective of the struggle that a man faces when he is married to a rebellious woman who is not warm and submissive to him. Try as he might to win her heart, he finds himself continually frustrated, longing for a woman who will complete him and meet his needs. This basic need drives men to search for a woman who will be one with him, to pursue her and win her heart, and to struggle to become one with her in a marriage. There is little else to drive a man to do this type of thing with all the energy of his being: without the sex drive it is quite apparent that there would be VERY few marriages, and fewer children. The human race would be a sparse and precarious lot, a fragile thing, were it not for this deeply imbedded sex drive in men.

To confront a man having such a sex drive, who happens to marry an odious woman, with either being deeply defrauded and mauled by an intolerable woman for his entire life, or with struggling outside the marriage relationship without the gift of celibacy, is an unreasonable and unscriptural thing to do. God has made no such requirement and reinforces His perspective in the matter here. He has given men the liberty to divorce their wives when they feel that this is their only recourse in maintaining health and well-being in life, and He does not condemn them in doing so.

1 Corinthians 7:39
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

The law being referred to here is the Old Testament Law outlined above. God gives instructions to the New Testament Christian woman based on the authority of the Pentateuch, indicating clearly that she is morally bound by this principle as it is revealed in the "Mosaic" Law. This will come as a great surprise to many who misunderstand freedom from the Law in Christ, claiming that the laws of the Old Testament are obsolete and inapplicable, as though they are given by some strange god.

The moral code of the Old Testament is the moral code of God: it will never change or become obsolete. Any principles that can be derived from it involving God's pleasure for a pattern of life will apply to any and all generations to come, and all of these principles are already written on the hearts of all believers. There are, admittedly, certain aspects of the ceremonial Law which are not relevant to us as Gentile believers, as is plain from reading the New Testament, and there are some parts of the governmental Law which are no longer appropriately enforced in our day. However, the above principle is not one of these. It stands as God's revelation to the church and applies in the life of every married woman.

This text further emphasizes the fact, by its wording and by its omissions, that the husband is not similarly bound by the Law to his wife as long as she lives, and this fact is significant. There are no Scriptures which indicate that the husband is thus bound by the Law to his wife. If the principle worked both ways, God would not address the woman specifically in the manner that He does here. Commands are typically addressed to the men when applied to both genders, and this is not addressed to men. In particular, if in truth the principle applied to both genders equally, it would be natural to give this principle both ways, as is done concerning marital relations earlier in 1 Corinthians 7. The fact that the woman is addressed particularly should not be overlooked.

1 Corinthians 11:3
But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

This is instruction from God on the order in the home, and reveals the purpose of the distinction between the genders. Why is it that the man and woman have different privileges, freedoms and responsibilities in marriage? Why is it generally the man's prerogative to end the marriage and not the woman's? Why is a man permitted to have more than one wife, when the woman is not permitted to have more than one husband? Why must the wife be the helper, and not the man? Why is the man in charge of the home? why not the woman? or at least both being equal in the home? All these questions come back to a fundamental principle. God's design is not based on culture or history or tradition, it is not a temporal device of men spawned to oppress women, and which can now be ignored in our enlightened day.

God's design in the home is part of a picture: there is an order in the home for a reason. It is an order of authority, an order of power, an order of responsibility, and an order of privilege. Christ is the head of the man. This is an undisputed headship-- unalterable, complete, and pervasive. Christ is the head of the husband in every area of his life, and Christ deals with every man as a servant. In discipline, in rebuke, in comfort, in provision, Jesus Christ is the Master, and every man is a servant to Him. The man is not equal to Christ in worth or dignity in and of himself, but has been made one with Christ at His pleasure. This is the reality.

The woman's head is the man. This is true in the home, in the church, and in the culture. They are equal in value and worth, but not in roles, position, or authority. God has placed the woman under the authority of the man. This is the picture.

1 Corinthians 11:8-9
For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

The specific purpose of Man and Woman are explained here in relationship to one another. God clearly states that the woman is created from the man and for the man, but the man is not created from the woman or for the woman. While there is no distinction in value or dignity based on this order, there is a definite difference in role, purpose, function, and responsibility. The value and dignity of each is drawn from the fact that both are made by the Hand of God and are made in His image at His pleasure. The roles and order of the man and woman are drawn in the purposes of God and in the details of the Fall. This order is for the picture: as Woman is created for Man and not Man for Woman, Man is created for the Lord, not the Lord for Man.

1 Corinthians 11:11-12
Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord. For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God.

The mutual interdependence of the man and the woman is also clearly expressed here. This confirms their equality and worth, and is given to prevent an inequitable treatment of the woman by the man. While the man is the head of the woman and in a position of authority over her, he is also born from her and depends on her as an equal. Let the above Scriptures suffice as background for why it is appropriate for the principles of marriage and divorce to be as they are. It is, again, for the picture: as Man is of the Lord, so the Lord became Man through him.

1 Corinthians 14:35
And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

It is the husband's duty to teach his wife, to answer her questions about spiritual things, and to provide godly instruction for her. It is the wife's duty to inquire of her husband concerning spiritual things, not to be seeking instruction and guidance from other men and sidestepping her husband. She is to be receptive to her husband's teaching, receiving it in all meekness and quietness.

2 Corinthians 11:2
For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.

Here Paul confirms that the Gentile bride of God is His wife, and that He takes her in purity. His former wife is gone from Him, and He is not waiting for her return. He is free to minister to the Gentile bride while the Jewish wife has forsaken Him. He does so, for the welfare of this new bride and for His own glory and pleasure. This is the reality of the life of God, shown in the picture of these principles of divorce and remarriage.

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