Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage – Summary

Summary

The Scripture is replete with instruction and example in this most intimate and controversial of topics: marriage, divorce and re-marriage. In summary, here are the relevant principles as I understand them from the Scripture:

Both husbands and wives should do everything within their power to see that their marriage is as healthy as possible: husbands should love their wives, provide for them, and care for them in the same manner and with the same interest that they care for themselves. Wives should love their husbands, reverence them, submit to them, and obey them. Both should seek to minister oneness in their relationship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.
A husband may not divorce his wife for the purpose of obtaining another woman as his wife. In doing so he commits adultery against his wife.
A husband may properly divorce his wife if he feels that he has come to permanently disfavor her for any reason, if he does not find within himself the ability to minimally care for her and love her as a husband should love his wife. This should only be in extreme cases where the wife is severely obstinate or rebellious, or has become impure. In any case, the devastation caused by the wife must be in degree comparable to that caused by fornication and adultery: rendering the marriage relationship entirely irreparable and irretrievably broken. If in this context the husband is seeking the grace of God to love his wife and is unable to find this proper care for her in his heart, then his decision to divorce is appropriate. It should be considered irrevocable and final before he follows through with it. When he does put her away, he is to verify his intent in writing to his wife, expect that his wife will remarry and become permanently alienated from him for life when she does.
A wife may be set free from her husband’s authority if she is being severely neglected in her husband’s provision of proper food, clothing, and/or marital relations. This should be only in extreme cases where the husband is mercilessly refusing to provide these things for her or is being ridiculously neglectful, not in cases of family hardship, prolonged sickness, times of war, famine, etc.
A wife may be set free from her husband’s authority if she is being severely physically abused to the point of being maimed, or in some manner equivalent to this degree of wanton malicious torture or abuse.
There are no other conditions, other than the above two, that allow a woman to be set free from her husband’s authority. Technically, she is not to be the judge of these matters herself, nor is she to divorce her husband on her own authority, but judgment is to be determined by the consensus of lawful authority above her husband, such as equivalent to a pastor or local government. Given that communities do not generally exist today which understand these principles, either civil or spiritual, a woman may certainly find herself with no proper authority to set her free when she is being abused or neglected. In my opinion, she should act in a manner consistent with how such a community would treat her, and take initiative herself when it is needful.
Once a woman is properly divorced by her husband or set free of the marital bond in accordance with God’s provision, she is free to remarry. She is bound by the law to him for life in all other cases.
God is enduring the treacherous divorce of Israel, His first wife, yet enjoying a Gentile bride while she is gone.
A man should only marry a divorced woman who has been legitimately set free from her previous husband’s authority according to the Law. Unless God has actually sanctioned the divorce, anyone taking the separated woman to wife will be committing adultery, and will continue in that state for as long as such a relationship is permitted. Such relationships should be ended immediately and without compromise.

The standards and expectations in this matter of marriage, divorce, and remarriage are manifestly different for women than for men. Explanations concerning the various differences in the roles and freedoms given to men and women in matters of daily life; in matters of the church, community, and country; and particularly in this matter of marriage, divorce and remarriage, can be found in the following principles:

Man has a higher spiritual rank than woman. “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Cor 11:3
Man represents a higher glory than Woman. “For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man. 1 Cor 11:7″
The source of Woman is Man. “For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man.” 1 Cor 11:8
Woman’s purpose is oriented in Man. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.”1 Cor 11:9
Man was formed first. “Let the woman learn in silence, with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve…” 1 Timothy 2:11-13
The first sin was committed by Woman. “…And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” 1 Timothy 2:14.
Part of God’s curse upon Woman for having been the first to sin against Him, and for drawing her husband into sin with her, was that Man would rule over her explicitly as a master: “ He shall rule over thee.” Genesis 3:16
God designed Woman as the weaker vessel, not intending her to carry the responsibility and burden of leadership and headship: “Giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel.” 1 Peter 3:7

In the Bible there are many marriages recorded in various levels of detail. Adam and Eve, Abraham and Sarah and Hagar, Lot and his wife, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Leah and Rachel and his two servant-wives, Moses and Zipporah and the Ethiopian woman, Job and his wife, Ahab and Jezebel, Nabal and Abigail, David and Michal and Bathsheba and Abigail and Ahinoam and…and… , King Ahasuerus and Vashti and Esther, Mary and Joseph, John and Elizabeth, Phillip and Herodias, Aquilla and Priscilla, etc. Of the marriages that we have any real detail about, nearly all were troubled to some extent, some more than others. In addition to the divorces commanded under Ezra and Nehemiah, only two other marriages that we know the particulars of properly ended in divorce: Ahasuerus and Vashti, and Abraham and Hagar, although it is quite possible that Moses and Zipporah were eventually divorced as well. John the Baptist insisted on the divorce of king Herod from Herodias, who was improperly separated from her husband Phillip and married to king Herod. This stand lead to John’s death at the hands of Herodias.

Many things can be learned about the complexities, blessings, and difficulties of marriage by studying the lives of the above men and women, and by meditating on the trials and experiences that they had. There is a continual flow of wealth for us as we seek God’s life for us in this. In both His instructions and commands to us, and in the stories and experiences that He has revealed for us in His Word about how others before us have lived, in nothing do we find our Lord contradicting Himself in what He has condemned and in what He has blessed in all of His written Word. The most profound of these is what He Himself is enduring as a Husband of Israel, and what a great privilege it is to be of the Gentile bride. May He give us grace to accept what He has shown to us in His Word, to seek more revelation and understanding and wisdom from Him, in order that we might both to live by it ourselves and encourage others to know and love His ways.

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