March 2023 – Snapshots

A Soft Answer

As we enter into strife with others, as we become agitated, defensive or oppressive in trying to control a situation, the outcome is seldom good; we’re actually forbidden to do this (Php 2:3), since our striving is generally rooted in pride. (Pr 28:5)

Calming ourselves down and getting ourselves grounded again in God is certainly the first step (2Ti 2:24), yet this is only part of the equation; when others are pursuing contention (Pr 26:21), knowing how to deescalate and avoid strife is invaluable. (Pr 19:11)

A de-escalation technique recommended in scripture is a soft answer (Pr 15:1), which comprises more than a gentle, unassuming posture or tone. It might be couched in this general demeaner, and perhaps often should be (Mt 10:16), but it can be much more subtle and powerful. (Pr 25:15)

For example, calmly repeating back what we hear, asking for clarification, confirmation and agreement on intent, is offering an accuser an opportunity to think through their words and stand by them under cross-examination. It gently introduces a bit of accountability without being aggressive or confrontational. This is softness, but not weakness. (Jn 18:23) It actually demonstrates strength, for only a mature, stable, secure soul can tread unthreatened out into the vast, uncertain territory of Accusation. Further, it clearly tells our accuser they’re valued, and that they’ve been heard and understood. With a person of good will, this might be all we need to disarm them.

Calmly and thoughtfully summarizing and re-stating a claim dispenses with emotionalism, and this will invariably both weaken the accusation itself (for, we tend to emotionally charge claims when evidence itself is insufficient) and confront any manipulation, irrationality and/or inconsistency without retaliating. If the claim has merit at all, this will distill and clarify the relevant substance for inspection.

Then we might also explore the implications of an accusation, as if we’re a neutral investigator, asking if the ramifications were thought through and intended, and how any apparent inconsistencies have been resolved. (Mt 12:2-4) Doing this does not strengthen false accusation; invariably it brings truth and light to bear, exposing any darkness for what it is. Showing any implication of a claim to be false proves the claim itself is false: it’s proof by contradiction.

People often speak emotionally within a specific context, perspective or presupposition which is not apparent to others, or perhaps even to themselves. Asking insightful questions exposes these presuppositions and allows them to be analyzed thoughtfully, challenged and corrected as needed. (Mk 10:18) This is helpful to all who are engaged in conflict.

Another key, when people accuse, is to remind ourselves they may indeed be entirely wrong, merely telling us something about themselves and nothing at all about us.

We’re often much too quick to accept an accusation as authoritative, without realizing we need not defend ourselves or be intimidated. It’s in trying to protect our own vulnerability and hide our imperfections that we’re lured into resisting groundless accusations and defending ourselves when this is entirely unnecessary. (1Pe 2:23)

And if an accusation happens to be legit, even partly, humility rejoices in discovering another opportunity to grow, makes amends, and asks God for grace to overcome, unconcerned in the efforts to shame, disvalue or belittle, resting in ultimate security in God. (Php 4:7)

When we take ourselves too seriously, thinking too highly of ourselves (Ro 12:3), that we’re something when we aren’t, we’re deceiving ourselves (Ga 6:3); this isn’t Love (1Jn 2:16), it’s the pride of life. When our mind is stayed on God, grounded in Love (Ep 3:17), we’ll be at perfect peace. (Is 26:3)

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Bring Them Up

The goal of parenting should be to equip children with the knowledge and skills necessary to become successful and productive adults. (Ep 6:4) It’s an educational mandate we ought not delegate; we may entrust others with formal academic training, but we’re required to teach our children how to live (De 6:6-7), and enable them in every way possible. (Pr 22:6) In order to do this effectively, parents are given authority in the home and children are required to obey their parents. (Ep 6:1-3)

But this state doesn’t last forever; children grow up. When and how are they supposed to transition into adulthood? When, if ever, are children free from the duty to obey their parents?

God does not instruct adults to obey their parents (1Co 11:3); He instructs children to do so. (Co 2:20) So, the duty of children to obey their parents ends as they mature into adulthood, yet this process of becoming an adult is not formally defined in scripture. How should we navigate this?

Well, we might take a cue from Nature (1Co 11:14a); God has designed the human body to mature in the second decade of life; we reach a given height and stop growing. It’s a reasonable, tangible measure of adulthood.

Another consideration is mental maturity, reasoning ability, discipline and self-control; when one is capable of taking care of themselves with minimal assistance from others, able to navigate the basic complexities and challenges of life, equipped to live independently and provide for themselves, they’re an adult.

If parents are wise, caring and respectful toward their children (Ro 12:10), this transition into adulthood should be natural, healthy and gradual; there’s not a specific day in which a child turns into an adult, yet if they’re being prepared for adulthood by their parents, they’re becoming more and more adultlike as they mature physically.

Parents should be preparing and equipping their children for this transition from early childhood, teaching them responsibility and letting them learn from their mistakes (within reason), guiding them with wise counsel, and explaining life to them. Parents who are neglectful here, as well as those who are overly protective, domineering and/or controlling, do immense harm to their children, violating their dignity and stunting their personal growth and development, which may provoke children to anger, frustrating and discouraging them. (Co 2:21)

As children mature, parents must respect the basic dignity and humanity of their children as God’s image bearers, not lording authority over them or demanding they agree with all their personal beliefs or perspectives. Children are free moral agents, responsible before God for what they believe as they are capable of understanding. A wise parent will respect each child’s unique gifts and orientation, leading by example, reasoning with them as unique individuals and honoring their choices within reason, even if they disagree.

Further, young adults should never have to struggle to free themselves of their parental home, nor should they be forced to leave ill-equipped and unprepared, if they’ve been willing to learn and bear responsibility within their capability. (De 15:13-14) When either tragedy occurs there’s been a terrible breakdown in the family unit, and there’s no pleasant way to resolve it.

When parents perceive their son (Ge 2:24) or daughter (1Co 7:34a) is prepared to live on their own, they should encourage and enable them to do so and mark the occasion with a special ceremony, celebrating their childhood and commemorating their transition into adulthood. This is a wonderful opportunity for both parents, especially fathers, to bless their children, formally acknowledge their adulthood and give them the confidence they need to begin directly facing the challenges of life, receiving them as equals before God, just as God Himself has designed and honored them to be. (Ga 6:4-5)

In this complex journey of shaping lives, parents ought to be constantly asking God to help them and work through them to equip each of their children to fulfill His perfect design and calling in their lives. Parents should be looking to God to bestow a sense of completeness and adulthood in their children through them.

One might even say our Heavenly Father sovereignly works through the strivings of our earthly parents, even in the man-made rituals and ceremonies, to convey the ultimate sense of adulthood in each of us, helping us understand, accept and celebrate our own maturity and adulthood in Him.

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Yea, Hath God Said

The Fall of Man provides insights on a number of levels. The saga begins with a question, initiated with an unexpected conjunction: “Yea,” typically used to join two thoughts, the first of which is evidently unrecorded.

It is as if Satan has already engaged Eve in pleasant dialogue, providing a positive context in which to highlight an apparent contradiction. Aligning himself with Eve, isolating her, befriending her, disarming her, this is all tactical, the art of war: the enemy isolates us, aligns as a friend, then destroys.

It’s likely Eve’s first mistake, to engage without Adam, without God, to neglect her spiritual community and tangle with Satan alone. We learn from Eve: engage the Devil in no conversation, give him no ear or audience. Bring God and others into the equation immediately; ignore the enemy and resist by drawing near to God. (Ja 4:7-8a)

This first word, Yea, is the Hebrew אַ֚ף (’ap̄), although, an adversative contrasting one idea with another, comparing two opposing thoughts in the form of a question: “Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?” (Ge 3:1) Satan draws attention to God’s command as an opposition, something holding Adam and Eve back from something good. It is Satan’s way: position God and His Law as the adversary. (Ro 7:22)

The question itself seems innocuous enough; Satan asks Eve to affirm God’s only command, a restriction placed on herself and Adam, which she actually does inaccurately; Eve adds to God’s command an additional prohibition: “neither shall ye touch it.” (2-3) She only has one law to consider, which she fails to recall correctly. She is not yet fallen and remains innocent, yet she is inexperienced, ignorant, naive and careless. We ought not so to be. (1Co 14:20)

Whether this is Adam’s indiscretion in teaching Eve, or Eve’s own carelessness, it’s weakness which Satan is all too eager to exploit. If he convinces Eve to touch the tree and she sees no harm, perhaps eating of it will do no harm either. More instruction in spiritual warfare: Don’t add to God’s Word, and don’t shorten it. (De 12:32) Know the Word, by heart, and like Jesus (Mt 4:4) be ready always to take the sword, the sword of the Spirit, quoting it in context to address temptation, so God’s Way is clear.

The dialogue then leads to Satan’s explicit claim: “Ye shall not surely die: for God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.” (4b-5) It is a two-part claim: [1] God’s not good and can’t be trusted; [2] breaking His command will go well for you. Satan accuses God of lying, of having ulterior, malicious motives in giving us His laws, and promises benefit in disobeying God. Satan accuses God of doing exactly what he himself is doing in order to get us to turn against God. It doesn’t really matter which law we break if we do it willfully, the result is the same. (He 10:26-27)

Satan comes as benevolent, spiritual, an angel of light, and his ministers as holy men. (2Co 11:13-15) He offers freedom from God’s Law, freedom to disobey, and lies about the consequences. He started way back in the Garden and hasn’t changed. To overcome, we must hold to the goodness of God, believing all His Laws are for our good (1Ti 1:8), obey Him and submit to Him.

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Signs and Wonders

A miracle is when God disrupts the natural order of Creation to cause an event with no natural explanation. When and why God chooses to perform miracles is a bit of a mystery, yet I expect we’d all love to see one; for many of us it would be a first. They’re indeed rare, and it’s quite natural to ask why God doesn’t do them more often, and put Himself on public display.

Yet a better question may be whether our desire to see a miracle or a sign from God is healthy and appropriate. God certainly does them from time to time, so there’s evidently good purpose in them when they occur, but is it ever right to ask God to perform a miracle or a sign to help us with our faith? or to be seeking signs and wonders, pursuing the miraculous as a manner of life?

As Christ rebukes Jewish leadership for their unbelief, some asked Him to perform a miracle or sign to prove He was/is the Messiah. Yet Christ dismisses the request, saying evil and adulterous people ask for signs. (Mt 12:38-39)

And as Zacharias asked how he would know if the prophetic words of the angel of God would be fulfilled, evidently asking for some additional proof beyond the simple angelic promise, he was questioning God’s character, so God rebuked his unbelief, striking him with dumbness for nearly a year. (Lk 1:18-20)

On the other hand, God didn’t seem to mind Gideon’s request for a sign that he’d be victorious in battle, asking for dew only upon fleece, and then only on the ground. (Ju 6:36-40) Evidently, there are times when our faith is weak, and it’s OK to ask for a little confidence boost.

Perhaps it’s related to our motive, what we’re struggling with. If we’re responding to all the light we have, if what we’re wanting to believe has little evidence to support it, and the personal stakes for acting on it are high, as in Gideon’s case, perhaps the request is reasonable. But if we’re just being stubborn and selfish, as the Jewish leaders evidently were, or if we’re putting God to the test, as perhaps Zacharias did, then this displeases God. (1Jn 5:10)

Asking for proof of God’s existence, when Creation itself proves it undeniably, when even atheists inadvertently prove God is real in the very delusion of denial, this is wickedness. Just like Pharisees asking for further proof of Christ’s Messianic claim in the face of countless miracles, unmatched in all human history (Jn 15:24), in light of the power, precision and holiness of His message (Jn 7:46) … not a good idea. (Jn 4:49)

Even now, those with reasonable access to the abundant witness of Christ’s resurrection (Ac 17:31) and message (Jn 12:48) will be held accountable for how they respond. Additional proof should not be expected here; it might do more harm than good. (Mt 13:58)

Our interest in finding proof where God has not provided it, desiring further miraculous witness when God is generally pleased to work merely through apparently natural means, may be problematic in itself. The very existence of the Tanach is more powerful testimony than a resurrection (Ac 16:31), and its prophetic content is more compelling than Christ appearing to us in person. (2Pe 1:19)

God provides sufficient witness to convince anyone who’s willing to see, but not so much that mercifully limiting the condemnation of unbelievers is unreasonable. (Ro 11:32) We should be thankful for the abundant testimony God has already provided, and trust that the amount and types of evidence He chooses to give us are perfectly suited to fulfill His ultimate purposes and glorify Himself.

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