Self-identity, understanding who we are and what makes us unique and valuable, seems simple, but it can be elusive. Ultimately, no one else can tell us who we are; we must discover this for ourselves, and that can take time.
At 80 years old, Moses is evidently still struggling with self-identity. Four decades earlier he’d been a rising star in the most powerful house on the planet, a man of valor, trained in all of the wisdom of Egypt, mighty in word and deed. (Ac 7:22) He was prepared and eager to deliver God’s chosen people from centuries of unjust suffering and bondage. (25) But a couple of missteps landed him in the backside of the dessert, feeding sheep, evidently married to a woman who may very well have been crushing his spirit into oblivion. (Ex 4:24-26)
When God finally confronts Moses and calls him out to fulfill his life’s purpose, his immediate response is, “Who am I?” (Ex 3:11) Moses acts as if he no longer has any idea who he is, what he is about, or why he has been born into this world; after years of what appears to be pointless suffering, he now seems blind to his life purpose and calling. He’s likely been feeling defeated, depressed, that his life has been wasted. God’s call in this context must seem surreal, too good to be true.
Yet God’s next words are profoundly healing: “Certainly, I will be with thee.” (12) When God shows up everything changes. (Ro 8:31) This is His eternal promise to all who serve Him. (He 13:5)
When we leverage our gifts and calling independently of God, we invariably serve ourselves, lose our way and get into trouble. (Jn 12:25) God’s purposes for us are all about Him, not us; we can’t rightly fulfill them without Him. (Ro 12:1-2)
Jehovah God has made each of us with His own hands (Ps 119:73), and He is ordering our steps. (Pr 16:9) The very idea of having a purpose implies we’re designed by Someone and created for His pleasure, not our own. (Re 4:11) We cannot fulfill our purpose apart from Him; we are complete only in Him (Co 2:10); in Him we have everything we need. (Ph 4:19)
What seem like wasted years, suffering from ignorantly trying to fulfill God’s will our own way, not knowing any better (1Ti 1:13), become strategic building blocks, crafting the required foundation as He remolds and reshapes us, preparing us for His mission. (Ps 23:23-24)
In Moses’ case, he not only needed all the wisdom of Egypt, he also needed to be at home out in the desert, to know it like the back of his hand. And he desperately needed to be set free of his selfishness, ego, self-will and self-confidence in order to navigate the chaos before him and effectively lead God‘s chosen people. God needed to destroy Moses and rebuild him from the ground up before He could use him, and a broken 40-year marriage was evidently the perfect chisel, as it is for many in God’s infinite wisdom. (1Co 7:28) Every child of God eventually needs a good, strong scourging (He 12:6); there’s no other way to get where we need to be, yet it’s a beautiful thing as we endure it in His grace. (11)
It’s never too late to recognize God’s hand in our lives, turn ourselves completely over to Him, with all of our baggage, wounds and scars, and begin to discover and live out our purpose, in Him and with Him and for Him. (Ro 11:36) He knows our frame, and remembers that we are dust. (Ps 103:14)
The world can’t validate us because it didn’t design us and it doesn’t know our hearts. God’s gifts and calling define who we actually are, who He has designed us to be; we must find ourselves in Him and through Him, keeping our eyes fixed on Him, the Author and Finisher of our faith. (He 12:2)