Loving our enemies is no small thing; it requires the enabling grace of God, and it isn’t optional: this is Christ’s command. (Mt 5:44) We neglect Him here to our eternal peril. (Mt 5:26-27)
Regardless how someone treats us, we’re to be blessing them, praying for them and looking for opportunities to show them good will. (1Pe 3:9) This raises several penetrating, practical questions about whether we should ever defend ourselves and/or our loved ones from malicious abuse. (Lk 22:36)
To sort this out we may easily observe that Christ never explicitly instructs us to passively receive undue harm from others when we have the opportunity to avoid or limit the damage. He Himself rebuked those who harmed Him unjustly. (Jn 18:23) Our tendency is to swing from one extreme to another while God is calling us to loving wisdom; we are to love our neighbors as ourselves, and as well as ourselves: we ought not neglect either duty.
So, once we are safely out of harm’s way, doing as little harm as possible in the process (Ro 12:18), how do we direct our hearts (2Th 3:5) in the midst of such conflicts, such that our actions are motivated by love and not mere superficial duty? (2Co 6:6) One tactic I find especially helpful is to esteem the offender better than myself. (Php 2:3) Apart from the restraining grace of God (Php 2:13), I would very likely be doing worse than they are. (1Ti 1:15) This melts the pride out of my wrath, leaving only anger as needed to mitigate the abuse and eliminating the temptation to retaliate. (Ro 12:17)
It is also helpful to recall that Christ loves my enemy enough to die in their place (Jn 3:16); if God so loves us, we ought also to love one another. (1Jn 4:11)
Christ’s wisdom seeks the restoration of the wicked, not their destruction. (Ez 33:11) We can have compassion on the ignorant, and on them that are out of the way, knowing we ourselves are imperfect. (He 5:2) Ultimately, we don’t have any way to measure the goodness or badness of another; so we shouldn’t try. (Mt 7:1)
Rather than being so quick to blame others when a conflict arises, we should instinctively be asking ourselves what we might have done to invite it (Pr 24:5), or how we might have prevented or avoided it. (Pr 22:3) God has very likely given us more tools to work with here than we’re currently leveraging (Pr 13:23); we might spend some time developing our interpersonal skills and paying attention to how we’re showing up in our encounters with others. (Pr 16:32)